TikTok Is Banned: Time to Cry or Time to Touch Grass?
Ladies and gentlemen, TikTok is banned. That’s right—your endless feed of dance trends, lip-sync battles, and questionable life hacks is now nothing more than a memory. As America collectively loses its mind over this, I can’t help but ask: Is this actually a bad thing? Or, dare I say, is this the intervention we didn’t know we needed?
Look, I get it. TikTok was the ultimate time killer. A harmless scroll here, a quick laugh there, and suddenly it’s 2 a.m., you haven’t eaten, and you’re Googling “How to make a charcuterie board out of a Pringles can”. But while we’re all screaming “government overreach!” and clutching our ring lights, has anyone stopped to think about what this ban might actually do for us?
Let’s call it like it is: TikTok was a communist trap disguised as entertainment. Sure, you thought you were watching dance videos, but in reality, you were feeding Beijing every piece of data it needed to conquer the West—like the fact that you love raccoon cleaning videos and have a weird obsession with ASMR soap cutting. If we’re being honest, we were all too busy perfecting the Renegade to notice.
But here’s the real kicker: this ban might actually save us from ourselves. Think about all the hours you’ve wasted on that app. Imagine if you had taken even half that time and done literally anything else. Read a book, learned a skill, talked to a human face-to-face. Heck, you could’ve cured cancer by now if you weren’t busy debating whether the guy on your For You Page was using a filter or actually had flawless skin.
And don’t even get me started on the content. For every genuinely funny or educational video, there were about 500 people oversharing their drama, mispronouncing words in recipe tutorials, or trying to convince you they’ve uncovered the secret Illuminati plot behind the Denver airport. Maybe, just maybe, we didn’t need all of that stupid shit in our lives.
Now, I know this is a tough pill to swallow. What are we supposed to do now? Actually sit in silence with our own thoughts? Scroll through Instagram Reels like some kind of prehistoric caveman? The horror! But maybe it’s time to touch grass, people. Go outside, reconnect with reality, and remember what it’s like to exist in a world where not every moment is content.
There is one man that can save us from this tiktokless hell that we have all been in for about 20 unbearable minutes: Donald J Trump.
Yes, the man who once threatened to ban TikTok himself could now position himself as the hero who brings it back. Irony, thy name is 2025. And before you roll your eyes, let’s face it: if anyone would relish the chance to do a 180 and declare himself the “savior of the Gen Z scrolling experience,” it’s Trump. But here’s the real question—do we even want him to save us?
